influence

Your mother stops you from eating ice cream because you may catch a cold, but have you ever changed her 'no' to a 'yes'? 

Your screen time limit is 30 minutes a day. Did you manage to get an extra 15 minutes by requesting your dad? 

One of your friends was sad. You said something that cheers him/her up. 

What do all these examples mean? 

It means you influence others. 

One may use "influence" to gain power, but it can also be used unselfishly. We can influence those around us by the way we live - with love, patience, peace, and kindness. 

You have the opportunity to influence your friends, family, and those you interact with every day. 

Influence is anything we do or say that affects someone else’s behavior for the better or the worse. 

There is a difference between command and influence. 

• Command says, "Do this because I said so and there are negative consequences if you don't."
• Influence says, "I am helping you to see that this is the best course of action in terms of long-term benefits for you."

A command can initiate a change of mind, but it is externally motivated. As soon as the external consequence is lifted, the status quo is quickly resumed. 

On the other hand, influence creates an internal shift in a person's mindset. Their commitment to the action is internal and is independent of external consequences. The world's most influential people don't merely change other's behavior; they shift their mindsets. 

Types of Influence

There are four types of influence: negative, neutral, positive, and life-changing. 

Negative influence - This is the most damaging. Those who have this type of influence tend to focus on their authority, power, or title. They are often egocentric and prideful. 

Neutral influence - The person with this type of influence would not necessarily do anything that would cause them to stand out or be seen as a leader. They don't proactively lead, help or take charge. These are the people with the position or title, but they do not maximize it to advance the group. 

Remember, you will want to avoid these two types of influence - negative and neutral influence. 

Positive influence - The person with positive influence adds value and leaves the people they come in contact with better off as a result of their actions and attitudes. They actively lead, build relationships with others, and are present; all in the attempts to inspire, coach, and lead people to produce better results. Those with positive influence want to make a positive impact in the lives of those they lead, helping them to be successful in all areas of their life. Positive influence requires a high level of intentionality, energy, and effort but the results will be that everyone will be and do better. 

Life-changing influence - A few examples of life-changing influencers include Mother Teresa, Oprah Winfrey, Abraham Lincoln, and John C. Maxwell. These influencers positively impact others in a way that changes their life permanently. Such influencers invest their entire lives and attention to serve and help other people win and become successful in life and at work. They dedicate their entire life to add value to other people. 

 

Social influence

Has any outside factor ever caused you to think or act in a particular way? 

Have you ever changed your behavior to "fit in" with your friends?

Another example is many people give lip service to certain moral, cultural or political views when they're in "good company", even if their private beliefs differ from accepted norms. 

There are three main types of social influence: 

• Conformity
• Compliance
• Obedience

The basic premise of social influence is: Individuals are likely to change their behavior according to the social environment in which they find themselves.

Social influences may affect many different levels of an individual's life. They can change the way a person thinks or the attitudes a person holds based on a desire either to conform with the predominant social group or to assert distinction from it. 

Social influences can alter a person's thinking and beliefs, and impact the actions or patterns of behavior that the person adopts. These changes can manifest themselves in many ways. 

Some examples are: 

• A girl wearing a dress or shoes to fit in with her friends in class. 
• A boy decides to go to a concert because he knows that all of his friends will be going. 
• A local business owner decides to start discounts believing that this will attract more customers. 
• A person decides to vote for a candidate or party after realizing that his best friends also support this candidate. 

Social influences can be positive, neutral, or negative in effect. 

Consider the example of a middle school student who is experiencing peer pressure. 

• It will be a neutral influence if the boy wants to buy a certain pair of shoes to fit in with his friends.
• It will be a negative influence if the boy starts bullying others or stealing due to the influence of a new friend group. 
• It will be a positive influence if the boy starts to practice extra hard for his soccer game. 

Social influence can also be positive. Consider an individual who feels peer-pressured into joining a regular exercise group and ends up losing some excess weight or an individual who’s influenced to support a local homeless shelter or an animal rescue organization. These are generally considered socially and personally positive behaviors, regardless of the extent to which they’re influenced by others.

 

Informational versus Normative Social Influence

Informational social influence

Informational social influence describes a situation in which individuals make decisions based on information someone else has provided. The individuals accept that they can trust this information and change their thinking, belief, or behavior based on this new information. 

Most people have a desire to be correct. When people come across the opinions of experts or those who they consider believable, they tend to conform their views to the views of others in an attempt to arrive at the correct conclusion. 

In general, informational social influence is observed when an individual doesn't know what to think about a given topic or how to answer a particular question. In this scenario, they copy the viewpoint of another person whom they perceive to be right. 

For example, if you go to a social gathering and don't know how to behave, you tend to copy your friend's behavior. 

Normative social influence

This works differently from informational social influence. In the case of normative social influence, individuals change their beliefs or behaviors not necessarily to be correct, but rather to be liked, accepted, or just fit in. For example, anyone who engages in bad habits or behavior like drinking, smoking, vandalism, or truancy to earn the respect of bullies or become "part of the group" is influenced by normative factors. 

 

Types of Influences

CONFORMITY

Conformity occurs when individuals alter their actions, behaviors, or beliefs to gain the acceptance of a group, to impress someone else, or to gain a sense of belonging. They may change the way they behave even if they don’t actually share the beliefs of the group they’re seeking to impress. 

Some examples of conformity are: 

• Returning a wave or verbal greeting just to avoid being perceived as rude. 
• Following social norms, because they are socially accepted. 

COMPLIANCE

Compliance refers to any situation in which individuals change their behavior because they’re requested to do so. The individuals choose to go along with the direction or request of the group, while still disagreeing with the group.

Compliance isn’t the same as obedience. In a situation involving compliance, the individual or group that makes the request isn’t in a position of authority. Thus, compliance with the request isn’t mandatory.

Some examples of compliance are: 

• If a friend asks you for a favor and you agree to it. 
• If a salesperson shows some product and the customer gets convinced to buy it. 

Not every request is met with compliance. Individuals are more likely to comply with a request if: 

• they believe that share some common ground with the person making the request
• they believe doing so will win the approval of a social group
• they are in the presence of multiple people

OBEDIENCE

It is similar to compliance, but with one difference: in the case of obedience, the person responds to an order from someone in authority, rather than to a request from a peer. On the other hand, compliance involves social interactions between people who consider themselves equal like peers. 

One can see from this that compliance and obedience involve different forms of motivation. Compliance is generally motivated by a desire to belong or to fit in, whereas obedience is generally motivated by a clear sense of social hierarchy.

 

How influence works

There are different approaches to influencing

Rational approaches to influencing

• Logical persuading - Using logic to explain what you believe or what you want.
• Legitimizing - Appealing to authority. 
• Exchanging - Negotiating or trading for cooperation. 
• Stating - Asserting what you believe or want. 

Social approaches to influencing

• Socializing - Getting to know the other person, being open and friendly, finding common ground.
• Appealing to relationship - Gaining agreement or cooperation with people you already know well. 
• Consulting - Engaging or stimulating people by asking questions; involving them in the problem or solution.
• Alliance building - Finding supporters or building alliances to help influence someone else; using peer or group pressure to gain cooperation or agreement.

Emotional approaches to influencing

• Appealing to values - Making an emotional appeal or an appeal to the heart.
• Modeling - Behaving in ways you want others to behave; being a role model; teaching, coaching, counseling, and mentoring.

 

Negative Influencing Techniques

There are four negative influencing techniques: 

• Avoiding - Forcing others to act, sometimes against their best interests, by avoiding responsibility or conflict or behaving passively-aggressively. 
• Manipulating - Influencing through lies, deceit, hoaxes, swindles, and cons. Disguising one's real intentions or intentionally withholding information others need to make the right decision. 
• Intimidating - Imposing oneself on others; forcing people to comply by being loud, overbearing, abrasive, arrogant, aloof, or insensitive. These are the preferred techniques of bullies. 
• Threatening - Harming others or threatening to harm them if they do not comply, making examples of some people so others know that the threats are real. This is the preferred technique of dictators and despots.