conversational etiquette

Learning Objectives

In this lesson, you'll learn about

• Meaning of conversational etiquette
• Do's and don'ts of conversation

The term etiquette refers to a code of behavior delineating expectations for social behavior with regard to contemporary conventional norms in a society, group, or social class.

The French word etiquette, which signified a label or a tag, was applied in a modern sense in the language of English at around 1750. This behavior of etiquette assists survival and has led to the change and has also evolved through the years.

In life, there are people who have a knack for good conversations. These people can talk to anyone about anything in a casual laid-back manner that immediately sets people at ease.

It is important to note that not all people have the same conversational abilities, but conversational skills can be learned by anyone who can then become competent. If you have proper conversational skills or conversational etiquette, then, you will be a valued person who can win a lot of hearts and make new friends.

Here are some of the things that you should do and not do to ensure that your conversations can be said to be of etiquette.

 

Do's of a conversation

• Listen more than you talk. It is ironic that the key to conversational etiquette is not in talking but in listening. Conversational narcissism should be avoided at all costs.
• Ask those that you converse with questions that are thoughtful and interesting. Avoid questions that are too personal, out of topic and those that can upset whoever you are conversing with.
• Think before you speak. Most conversations that lack etiquette come as a result of failure to think before speaking. It is advisable that you do not throw out statements that are laden with a value judgment. For example, rather than saying, “The president is corrupt”, ask “What is your take on the state of corruption in the country?”
• Take your turn. A conversation is like a group project. In other words, a conversation is not a monologue. In case you notice that you have talked for some minutes without any comments, general signs, or questions from the other people, cede the floor to someone else.
• Tailor the conversation to the listener. Talking about topics like religion, politics, and sex with new acquaintances can be very awkward. A good rule of conversation with regard to the topic of the conversation is to tailor the conversation to the listener.
• Use words of etiquette. The use of words and phrases like thank you, welcome, I would really appreciate if, kindly, excuse me and I beg to differ goes a long way in ensuring conversational etiquette.
• Pay attention to signals. As you converse with others, pay close attention to their body language signals which tells you when you are losing them in conversation. When you realize you've spoken too much, take a breath and stop. Let someone else talk. 

Signs that the other person is no longer engaged in the conversation

Yawning

No longer making eye contact

Glancing around the room as if looking for an escape

Backing away

Not responding

Tapping foot or pointing feet toward the nearest escape

Don’ts of conversation

• Don’t talk to only one person when conversing in a group. This will leave the others on the periphery and dangling. Another way of sidelining people that you should take care not to do is choosing subjects on which other people have no knowledge or interests.
• Avoid interrupting when another person is speaking. This is not only offending but it also interrupts the message that is being passed across. If you must interrupt, it is good to use etiquette words such as excuse me, I beg to differ and many more.
• Don’t laugh at the conversational mistakes of others. Instead, correct them in a polite manner. Laughing at a person’s conversational mistakes only lowers the self-esteem of the speaker rendering him unable to pass his message. It is important to make sure that you do not offend anyone by your words or actions.
• Don’t whisper in front of another person. If you need to whisper for any reason, you must include everyone who is with them. Even if you're keeping your voices down because you think speaking aloud would be disruptive or disrespectful, it appears that you are gossiping.

Generally, conversational etiquette can be enhanced by being polite, thoughtful, and respecting others. Some magic words to being polite: 

• “Thank you”
• “Please”
• “May I”
• ‘Excuse me”
• “I’m sorry”

 

Conversation Topics

Having good small talk topics up your sleeve will help you kick off a great conversation. 

Good topics to discuss	Bad topics to discuss
Favorite food	Political opinions
Art	Religion or faith
Local news items, weather	Lifestyle pet peeves
Sports	Age issues
Hobbies	Weight issues
Books, TV shows, or movies	Personal finance
Music releases	Minor details of a health problem

 

Etiquette Mistakes

• Not knowing anything about the person you are talking to
• Texting or constantly checking your phone for messages
• Using bad language
• Telling off-color jokes
• Interrupting conversation
• Randomly changing the conversation to suit yourself
• Acting like a know-it-all
• Forgetting to introduce others
• Gossiping about someone

Whether it is a conversation with friends or strangers, these conversation etiquette tips will help you get the most from it and create a good impression.