empathy

Empathy is the ability to sense the emotions of other people, together with the ability to imagine what someone else is thinking or feeling.  We can say that empathy is "putting yourself in the shoes of another". (for example, feeling the same amount of excitement as a friend when they tell you happy news for them)

It is a key link between self and others because it is how we as individuals understand what others are experiencing as if we were feeling it ourselves. 

The English word empathy is derived from the Ancient Greek word 'empatheia', which means "physical affection" or "passion".

Is empathy positive or negative?

Generally, empathy is positive. But in some cases, empathy can be negative. That is happening when we are so sensitive to other people's experiences to the point where we begin to suffer ourselves.

Empathy is different from Pity, Sympathy or Compassion

Pity is a feeling of discomfort at the distress of another person and often has paternalistic or condescending overtones.

Sympathy is considered a “feeling for” someone. It is a genuine feeling of care and concern that does not require the sharing of an emotional state. You feel sorry for someone who is suffering and you may demonstrate your sympathy by providing comfort and assurance.

Empathy, instead, is “feeling with” that person, through the use of imagination.

Sympathy and empathy often lead to each other, but not always.

Compassion is associated with an active desire to reduce the suffering of the other person. With empathy, you share the others’ emotions but with compassion, you not only share others’ emotions but also make efforts to solve their problem. For example, giving to charity or volunteering to work with sick people or animals takes compassion.

What is the opposite of empathy?

The opposite of empathy is apathy, which is defined as a lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern. It is a state of indifference, or the suppression of emotions such as concern, excitement, motivation, or passion.

Some people lack normal empathy, or the ability to feel what others are feeling. This might happen if they have a genetic defect or if they have experienced some trauma.

Importance of empathy

• Fosters positive feelings
• Gives a sense of identity
• Helps in resolving conflicts
• Creates better friendships and relationships
• Is a source of creativity and innovation
• Builds peaceful societies 
• Expands our perspectives
• Increases helping behavior

Types of Empathy

1. Cognitive empathy is the ability to understand how a person feels and what they might be thinking. It is also known as perspective-taking. It is basically being able to put yourself into someone else’s place and see their perspective, but without necessarily engaging with their emotions. Effectively, cognitive empathy is “empathy by the thought” rather than by feeling.

2. Emotional empathy is when you quite literally feel the other person’s emotions alongside them as if you had caught the emotions. Emotional empathy is also known as personal distress or emotional contagion. It is also known as affective empathy – the ability to share the feelings of another person. This type of empathy helps you build emotional connections with others. Emotional empathy can be both good and bad.

• It is good because it means that we can readily understand and feel other people’s emotions.
• It is bad because it is possible to become overwhelmed by those emotions, and therefore unable to respond. This is known as empathy overload.

3. Compassionate empathy, also known as empathic concern goes beyond simply understanding others and sharing their feelings; it actually moves us to take action, to help however we can.

Finding the balance

Cognitive empathy can often be considered under emotional. It involves insufficient feeling and therefore a lot of logical analysis. It may be perceived as an unsympathetic response by those in distress.

In contrast, emotional empathy is over-emotional. Too much emotion or feeling can be helpful. Emotions are very primitive. Feeling strong emotions, especially distress makes us less able to cope, and certainly less able to think and apply reason to the situation. It is very hard to help anyone else if you are overcome by your own emotions.

In exercising compassionate empathy, we can find the right balance between logic and emotion. We can feel another person’s pain as if it was happening to us, and therefore express the appropriate amount of understanding. At the same time, we can also remain in control of our own emotions, and apply reason to the situation. This means that we can make better decisions and provide appropriate support to them when and where it is necessary.

It all begins with your own self-awareness

A prerequisite to being empathetic is to master the ability to know, understand and name your own emotions. If you are not aware that you have experienced a certain feeling, it is difficult for you to understand what another person is feeling. So, it all begins with your own self-awareness – which is part of your emotional intelligence.

Empathy is the capacity to know – emotionally – what another is experiencing, AND being able to express or communicate our feelings of empathy. To enhance the relationship, it is important to express (verbally, or through our body language, tone, or actions) that we understand, acknowledge, and share the experience and feelings of the other person. When people feel listened to and understood at a deep emotional level, and when that understanding is acknowledged or communicated, people feel affirmed and validated.

Empathic Listening

Empathic listening, also called active listening or reflective listening is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding and trust. The essence of empathic listening is not that we agree with someone; it is that we deeply understand the person, emotionally as well as intellectually.

When we listen to others we usually listen at one of five levels.

• Ignoring – Making no effort to listen.
• Pretend Listening – Making believe or giving the appearance you are listening.
• Selective Listening – Hearing only the parts of the conversation that interests you.
• Attentive Listening – Paying attention and focusing on what the speaker says, and comparing that to your own experiences.
• Empathic Listening – Listening and responding with both the heart and mind to understand the speaker’s words, intent, and feelings.

Here are five ways you demonstrate empathic listening. 

1. Provide the speaker with your undivided attention. This is a one-time multi-tasking or rapid focus that will get you in trouble.
2. Be non-judgmental. Don’t minimize or trivialize the speaker’s issue.
3. Read the speaker. Observe the emotions behind the words. Is the speaker angry, afraid, frustrated, or resentful? Respond to the emotion as well as the words.
4. Be quiet. Don’t feel you must have an immediate reply. Often if you allow for some quiet after the speaker has vented, they themselves will break the silence and offer a solution.
5. Assure your understanding. Ask clarifying questions and restate what you perceive the speaker to be saying.

Body language that shows empathy

There is a nonverbal element to responding with empathy as well. Your words and your nonverbal signals work together to communicate, and you want them to be in harmony.

1. Facial expression – When we see someone smiling, see their warmth and good feelings, it incites the same feelings in us.
2. Eye contact – It is important to look the person in the eye to make a connection.
3. Voice – The tone of voice reveals a lot about a person’s feelings and frame of mind, often more than the words themselves.
4. Posture – To make a better connection, you should have your arms open, nod, smile, and give a word of acknowledgment occasionally as you listen.
5. Breathing – Focus on your breathing for a bit. Inhale and exhale more deeply and slowly to help give you a feeling of calm.
6. Attention – Research has shown that our minds wander half the time. When you want to connect with someone, you need to be fully present, to give the person your complete attention. Only this way can you really absorb what they are saying and respond effectively.

Tactics for connecting better

1. Practice active listening, that is listening with a purpose.
2. Acknowledge what you think you have heard.
3. Open up and share your inner emotions with others, as they reciprocate.
4. If you know a person well, offer physical affection by giving them a hug or put an arm around their shoulders or a hand on their arm.
5. Pay attention to your surroundings and to the feelings, expressions, and actions of the people around you.
6. Withhold immediate judgment.
7. Offer help